Thuff love

I can’t hold back these tears, I hear them voices whispering in my ears.

My mind spinning around 360 degrees.  What am I fearing of? Is it the future or the past. The regrets are getting bigger and bigger, my soul is getting emptier and emptier. I find myself every weekend going out, getting high of life. Standing in a crowd full of people. With my people, some of them aren’t with me as they speak.

We live in the moments, because that’s all we have. When I am with my girls they are only there for that. That moment. Can’t find peace. Try to ask myself why, but all I end up is with a cry.

A cry to god, asking how long do I have. Can not speak to the person who I really want to speak. I know their reaction. It’s like a community reaction, do something wrong or bad in their eyes, you end up like the black sheep.

Funny thing about it is, I’m already the black sheep.

In my moms eyes I am her only hope.

But what she don’t know is.. I already fucked it op. Not once, not twice, but a million times. Her love has alway’s been the hard one, no love as we speak. The only time she shows love, is the time that doesn’t exist. So as you can guess, there is no love. We only speak when we speak, we laugh when we laugh and we cry when somebody dies. Never had been in need of mother love, because I only knew whoop assing love from my mom.

I look in to the mirror, saying to myself tomorrow will be a better day. But who am I fooling? Only me, you can say.

The cry is getting louder and louder, the love is gone.

And guess what is staying the thuffniss of it all.

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